Talking to your children about illness
As a parent, facing illness is a significant challenge that takes time to process and adapt to. When it comes to sharing news of your own illness (or that of a loved one) with your child, it’s normal to feel anxious about how they’ll react.
In partnership with Vie de Parents, Familiprix offers guidance on opening up this difficult conversation with your child.
How to announce the illness
Children are like emotional “sponges” – they pick up on the feelings of those around them, even if they don’t understand the cause. While it may seem protective to keep them in the dark, doing so can lead to worry and feelings of isolation.
It’s best to speak openly with your child, keeping in mind a few principles:
- Use simple, straightforward language.
- Provide enough information about symptoms and treatments, tailored to their level of understanding.
- Let them know immediately if there will be changes in their daily routine.
- Answer their questions as honestly as possible.
- Follow up with them in the days after, paying attention to their reactions, feelings, and any new questions they may have.
It’s ideal for your child to hear this news from you, a trusted figure, rather than from someone else in a potentially confusing way.
How to approach the conversation based on age
Children this young don’t grasp the concept of illness but are sensitive to their parent's emotions. Hold them, speak gently, and use simple words to offer comfort.
Infants (0–2 years)
Children this young don’t grasp the concept of illness but are sensitive to their parents’ emotions. Hold them, speak gently, and use simple words to offer comfort.
Young Children (3–6 years)
Kids in this age range understand illness to some extent but not its consequences or severity. If their routine will be affected, try to prepare them in advance for any changes to reassure them.
Children (7–12 years)
Older children understand illness more clearly and tend to be curious, often asking more questions. Answer openly and let them know it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers.
Teens (13 and up)
Teens can often sense things just by observing you. It’s important to discuss the illness with them early on so they don’t feel hurt or excluded. Be attentive to their reactions and needs.
When is the right time?
Before talking to your child, gather as much information as possible about the illness and available treatments. This will help you feel more prepared to explain and answer questions.
Choose a calm moment when both you and your child have time to talk and be together afterward. Avoid times like right before school or at bedtime.
If you feel unable to broach the subject, ask a partner, family member, or healthcare professional to help you find the right words.
How to reassure your child
Children react to news of illness in different ways, and that’s perfectly normal. They may struggle to express their feelings verbally, so they might show them through their behavior.
For instance, they may seem unaffected initially. Don’t worry – this could be their way of coping, either because they don’t fully understand or they need time to process. Respect their pace and revisit the topic later if needed. You may notice reactions at daycare or school, so consider informing staff discreetly to help them support your child.
Alternatively, your child may feel responsible for what’s happening. Encourage them to discuss this guilt and reassure them they are not at fault.
To ease their minds during treatment or care, try to keep their routine and environment as stable as possible. If there are any changes, let them know in advance. If they need childcare, choose someone familiar and, if possible, have them stay at home for comfort.
Openly sharing emotions on both sides can provide moments of comfort amidst the challenges.
Text written in collaboration with Vie de Parents.