Discussing the loss of a pet with your child
Pets hold a special place in many families. Often, children see their pet as a friend, a confidant, a source of comfort, and even a true family member.
However, one day, they will face the loss of their beloved companion, along with the range of emotions that come with it. So, as parents, how can you best support your child through the grieving process? Here are a few things to consider.
Understanding death
It’s important to realize that children don’t perceive death as adults do. Before the age of 5, they often struggle with the concept of permanence regarding death. It’s around the age of 9 that children start to grasp this notion better.
When dealing with the loss of a pet, you can gently explain to your child that death and grief are a natural part of the cycle of life.
Possible reactions
Depending on their age and stage of development, children may be overwhelmed by a range of emotions when experiencing the loss of a pet. These emotions can range from sadness to anger, fear, guilt, and irritability.
Physical discomfort may also arise, such as crying, sleep disturbances (insomnia, nightmares, etc.), difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite, and more.
These behaviours are completely normal and will fade with time.
Breaking the news
It’s important not to hide the truth from the child when a pet dies. Regardless of the circumstances, explain the death using simple, clear words. Phrases like "it fell asleep" or "it went on a trip" should be avoided, as the child might develop a fear of falling asleep or waiting for the pet’s return, which will never happen.
It’s also appropriate to discuss the circumstances surrounding the animal’s death.
For example, in the case of natural death, it’s often necessary to talk about the cycle of life with the child and remind them of the beautiful moments they shared with their pet.
If it was an accident or illness, children often have many questions. It’s important to answer honestly without going into traumatic details. Even if the child doesn’t bring it up, reassure them by explaining that they are in no way responsible for the pet’s death.
When the decision for euthanasia is made, the explanation should focus on how it stops the animal’s suffering. It can be helpful to clarify that the procedure is also painless for the pet. Depending on the child’s age, the option of being present during the euthanasia can be considered.
Remain open and supportive of your child's reactions, allowing them to express themselves and navigate this difficult time as peacefully as possible.
Providing comfort and support
Parents play a crucial role in supporting their child through the loss of a pet. However, it’s important to be mindful of words and actions to offer the right support without underestimating your child’s emotions. Here are some tips.
What to do
- Encourage your child to express their feelings
- Be truthful
- Listen and answer your child’s questions
- Organize a family farewell ceremony or ritual
- Suggest calming activities (for example, drawing their pet)
What not to do
- Minimize the child’s emotions
- Keep the child constantly busy with various activities
- Immediately replace the deceased pet with a new one
- Use vague phrases like “living in the sky”
- Use complicated or traumatizing terms
The mourning period
Children need time to grieve the loss of their pets. This sadness may last for several weeks, and that’s perfectly normal. The grieving process is a learning experience that will benefit the child throughout their life.
You can also talk with caregivers, such as teachers or daycare providers, to see if your child’s sadness affects them outside the home.
Finally, if you notice that your child’s sorrow doesn’t ease after several weeks, don’t hesitate to consult your family doctor or another healthcare professional.
Text written in collaboration with Vie de Parents.