Savouring sex: The art of slowing down

Slow sex is a new approach to sexuality that is attracting increasing attention. More than just a trendy term, it's a philosophy that values intimacy, connection and shared pleasure, and consciously moves away from the pursuit of performance and the traditional goals of sexuality. But what exactly is slow sex? How do you practice it, and why could this approach revolutionize your sex life? Let's explore this new way of experiencing intimacy together. 

What is slow sex? 

Slow sex is defined by a conscious, deliberate approach to the sexual act, where the journey is more important than the destination. Rather than highlighting performance, orgasm or penetration, slow sex emphasizes intimate connection, sensory exploration and shared pleasure. It's about the art of slowing down, taking time to savour every moment and every sensation. Unlike fast, performance-oriented sex, slow sex invites you to forget your unrealistic expectations of sexuality and concentrate on the sensations and desires of the present moment. It's a practice that helps you break free from traditional scripts often imposed by society, such as the idea that penetration or male ejaculation must necessarily mark the end of the act. The aim is to enjoy the experience without going through the motions too quickly or any precise actions.  

The origins of slow sex

The concept of slow sex is not as recent as it may seem. It draws its inspiration from ancient practices such as tantra, which originated in Hinduism and Taoism, where harmony between body and mind is sought through sensual rituals. Although slow sex is in the spotlight today, its roots lie in much older traditions.

Slow sex and tantric sex: What are the similarities?

Slow sex shares many similarities with tantric sex, another practice that values deep connection and shared energy. Both approaches foster the idea of living in the moment, connecting with yourself and your partner, and seeing the sexual act as a fusion of bodies and minds. However, slow sex is often less ritualized than tantric sex; it requires no specific knowledge to practice.

The benefits of slow sex

Here are some of the major advantages of this practice:

Improving communication and strengthening emotional engagement

Slow sex enhances the sexual connection between partners by encouraging open communication and mutual exploration of sensations, strengthening emotional and physical intimacy. Taking the time to discover each other without pressure creates a space of trust and complicity, making every interaction more authentic and connected.

Exploring the senses

By concentrating on each sensation, you rediscover your body and your partner's. This practice creates a climate of relaxation and deep connection, reducing the pressure to perform and intensifying sensations. Slowing down the pace and concentrating on each gesture enables a more complete exploration of the body and a more satisfying experience.

Promotes better sexual response

Slow sex can help with sexual dysfunctions, such as erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia, by reducing performance pressure and creating a space for relaxation where exploring sensations takes precedence over achieving orgasm, thereby reducing anxiety about intercourse. Taking the time to connect emotionally and physically enables you to relearn how to feel pleasure without worrying about the end result, improving the overall experience.

How do I practice slow sex?

Practicing slow sex is all about giving yourself permission to slow down. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Create a comfortable space

Your environment affects our sexual pleasure by influencing your level of comfort and relaxation. The idea is to create a soothing, distraction-free, well-appointed space to encourage better intimacy. On the other hand, a stressful, noisy or untidy environment can increase anxiety and distract attention from sensations, diminishing the pleasure experienced.

Pay attention to sensations, practice mindfulness

Focusing fully on the sensations present helps to amplify the feeling and excitement. This conscious attention helps reduce distracting thoughts and preoccupations, creating a space where body and mind can synchronize for a deeper, more satisfying experience.

Pay special attention to "before" and "after” slow sex

The "before" creates an anticipation and emotional bond that increases arousal and prepares the body and mind for pleasure, while the "after" prolongs intimacy, strengthening emotional bonds and integrating the sensations experienced for overall satisfaction. Together, they transform the sexual experience into a complete and enriching moment beyond the simple physical act.

Slow sex essentials

For an intimate encounter to qualify as slow sex, it's essential to free yourself from the pressures of performance. This can include moments of tenderness, massages, caresses, or simple exchanges of glances. The important thing is to remain present, open and attentive to the needs that can be observed in the present moment.

A new experience to rekindle the flame

Slow sex is often perceived as a new experience because it differs from the usual scripts of sexuality. Breaking away from routine and prioritizing mutual exploration can help rekindle the flame in a relationship. It helps to rediscover shared pleasure and spice up sex life. In a fast-paced society where performance is glorified, slow sex reminds you of the importance of taking time, stopping, and savouring every moment. It invites you to rediscover the pleasure of the senses and to live experiences that, beyond the simple quest for orgasm, strengthen the intimacy with yourself and each other. So why not give it a try?

Text written in collaboration with Au lit avec Anne-Marie.